Kate To The Rescue!!
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Hi All!
As many of you know, I’ve been on a kind of spiritual journey for more than a decade now and if I’m being honest, maybe my entire life. No goal of enlightenment or even self-improvement in it. I just love to look inside and also love learning about the journey of others. For whatever reason, though, in the last couple of years, I’ve experienced a new depth in it all. So much so, that I’ve realized that so much of who I thought that I was…the ideas and limitations that always seemed to make up the “Kate” staring back at me in the mirror…began to fall away effortlessly. Each day I seem to learn something new. And yet there are some days when I feel like I haven’t learned anything at all.
Recently, some challenges have shown up that have given me the opportunity to look at some old ideas that have stuck around like stinky worn-out sneakers. One of which I didn’t see until way into adulthood. But apparently growing up, I took it upon myself to play the role of family superhero! The one that would have the conversations when things were hard, be the mediator when tension was high, fix so-called problems, always be there when needed, offer advice (even if I had no idea what I was talking about)…always the peace keeper…always the rescuer. It never occurred to me that no one actually asked me to do any of that! And yet, there I was to save the day! It was all on me…all my responsibility. At least, I thought that it was.
I honestly haven’t donned my cape in quite a long time. So recently when it looked like one of my loved ones was in trouble and needed rescuing, what do ya know?!? It’s like I never fully took off my costume completely after all! All of the same worry and responsibility came flooding back. Kate to the Rescue! And it felt so real…so true that it was all on me to save the day!! But here’s the thing…I’m not the same person that I was and dang, that suit was super tight! Indicators all over the place that the superhero job just doesn’t fit me anymore. So obvious and yet in that space of worry and concern, I ignored the following signs:
Sign #1-The Phone Booth To Get Into Costume Feels Really Cramped!
I know that when my mind is busy, full of worry and there’s a feeling of urgency to act…to fix the problem…it is usually the worst time to act or make decisions. I know this to be true. And yet in the moment, it feels so important and necessary to respond right then. What I’ve come to realize is that when we react from feelings of frustration or fear, or even just a busy mind, we cut off our inner wisdom that points us toward the perfect solution, to our creativity, to that inner knowing. That feeling of urgency is always an indicator of a busy mind and the truth is, we just do better…we perform better when we have less on our minds. That’s why brilliant solutions and the best ideas seem to come to us in the shower or on a run or when our minds just aren’t so busy. So I ignored what I know…that given the chance, our minds will naturally settle down. I ignored the voice guiding me back to my own wisdom, which leads me to the next sign.
Sign #2- It’s Possible I Did NOT Hear A Call For Help!
All of us have access to our own wisdom, our own guidance. Call it whatever you wish, but it’s always on offer if we listen for it. But here’s where it gets tricky. My wisdom is calling me just as others’ wisdom is calling them, but it might not lead to the same place. Our wisdom calls us toward what we need in each moment and is specific just to us. And every person has it as well, but it’s calling them to what they need in each moment specific to them. We are all on our own journey, all having our own experience of life. We can no more control another’s journey as they could control ours. And while it seems so real that the way we see a situation is the way that it is, a million people could see the same situation and there’d be exactly a million different interpretations of it. Which puts a huge dent in my newly resumed role of rescuer because I’ve decided for someone else that their experience shouldn’t be happening. I’ve judged their life experience as wrong and that’s not really for me to say.
Honestly, I wasn’t going to write about all of this. Thoughts showed up that said things like, “You know better than to fall for this.” Or “You should be further along in the journey.” But the truth is…this is what life’s all about. We’re all on our own paths, doing the best we can given what looks real to us in each moment, including me. I love that sometimes I forget and get caught up. I don’t like it at the time, but somehow it always seems to bring me closer to truth…my truth. And in this case, more than one.
Truth #1: If I feel a deep urgency to act, it’s probably time to stop and let the dust settle a bit. Inner wisdom doesn’t ever feel like worry, fear or judgement. Ever.
Truth #2: I can’t control the actions, views or choices of other people, no matter how sure I am that I’m right or know what’s best. And if I’m really being honest with myself, it’s not really the choices of others that feel so heavy and uncomfortable for me. It’s my thoughts, my beliefs about it all that weigh me down and create the need to act. My judgement that it shouldn’t be happening…my belief that I should somehow be able to fix it, that I’m responsible for what happens…that I don’t care enough if I just sit by and let it happen. It’s all of this that make up the weight.
Truth #3: There’s a part of me that wants to play the superhero because it feels better than sitting in the uncomfortable feeling of knowing that I have absolutely no control over so many things. And that’s my stuff, not anyone else’s. So even if part of it comes from love and wanting to protect those I care about, part of it is also about me not liking that uncomfortable space.
Truth #4: And this might be the biggest insight from this…none of us needs a superhero. We are all so deeply ok and yet sometimes we just forget. We don’t need rescuing and neither does anyone else.
In a letter by Mavis Karn…
“Dear Kids (and former kids),
I have a secret to tell you, Nobody meant to keep it from you…It’s just that it’s been one of those things that’s so obvious that people couldn’t see it…like looking all over for the key that you have in your hand.
The secret is that you are already a completely whole, perfect person. You are not damaged goods, you are not incomplete, you are not flawed, you are not unfinished, you do not need remodeling, fixing, polishing or major rehabilitation. You already have within you everything you need to live a wonderful life. You have common sense, wisdom, genius creativity, humour, self esteem…you are pure potential…you are missing nothing.
The only thing that can keep you from enjoying all that you already are is a thought. One thought, your thought. Not someone else’s thought. Your thought . . . Whatever thought you are thinking at the moment that feels more important to think than feeling grateful, alive, content, joyful, optimistic, loving and at peace. . . that’s the only thing that’s between you and happiness.”
(Click this link to read her entire letter!)
So what I keep coming back to in this journey, what my wisdom keeps urging me toward and what life keeps giving me opportunities to see is this: When I finally stop trying to figure it all out, stop fighting against what I can’t control and let go of how I think it should be…I see that I never really had to do that to begin with.
I can let go of all of it and just trust. I can step off the edge and be carried…held…through all of life’s ups and downs. Knowing that I’ll forget again and that’s ok, too.
In fact, it’s perfect.
