Lessons From Bug- Part 1

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Hi All! 

So, I’ve been spending a lot of time with the incredible human being that is my daughter, Ava.  Like many of you, who are home with your children during this time know, this has brought a whole new element to parenting.   I’ve been paying attention to how she’s handling all of this.  I ask how she’s doing, probably more than necessary, but also just keep an eye out for what she needs.  Trying to watch for ups and downs.  I try to make sure that she gets outside as much as possible and doesn’t spend too much time in the crypt (our playful name for the dark space she calls her room!). 

She really is amazing.  (Yeah, I know all moms say that about their kids.  I get it!  But this isn’t all about her so, keep reading!)  She has this incredible ability to recognize what her mind and body need, so much more than I ever do!  She’ll just be sitting at the table doing schoolwork and get up saying that she’s going for a bike ride.  When she needs the social interaction with friends, she’ll reach out and video chat with them, sometimes for hours.  I’ve even walked into her room and found her listening to music and pacing back and forth just to get some movement.  When she needs a mental break, she’ll pick up a book and surrender to the story for a while.  She truly doesn’t complain about what’s going on or that she won’t see her friends for so long, or any of the myriad of complaints that teenagers find necessary to share.  She just does what’s in front of her to do. 

And while of course I think that she’s the most incredible human being on the planet, I know that we all have that gift.  We were born with it.  There’s an internal guidance that we all have access to in every moment.  It guides us in real-time, not when we are replaying thoughts of something in the past or worrying about an imagined future occurrence.  Real-Time.  That is the only place we find it.  And we can trust it, always.  Whether it’s something unimportant like knowing to take a drink of water or some life event like choosing who to marry.  It’s there.  So why don’t we sense it all of the time??

I asked Ava this morning, “Bug, how do you handle it when you start to feel cooped up?”  She said, “Honestly, I don’t think about it much.” 

And…there it is.  The key.  How much is going on in our minds at any given moment?  I can lose hours in there, not being present in my life…not listening for that internal nudge.  How many times have I driven home and have no recollection of the drive?  I can use tv or social media, or even action to help with that. 

I’ve felt the weight of too much thinking quite a lot lately.  It feels…heavy, more confining than any walls around me.  I feel this sense of wanting to “do”…stay busy…so I don’t have to deal with that weight (the weight that is completely created by me, by the way!).  And yet I feel this knowing that the solution isn’t in action or mental numbing.

It’s simply in returning to the present moment.  It’s always there waiting for me when I come back.  It has a lightness to it that’s becoming more familiar the more often I return.  It’s always in that space that I know what to do…if anything; know what to say…if anything. 

And it’s from there that I seem to let myself and everyone else off the hook...where I take it all just a little less seriously.  And man, do I need that now.  Maybe you do, too.

“Our lives are over in the blink of an eye and they are made up of single moments of never to be repeated, perfection.

 Each moment is a perfect gift…The only thing that stops us seeing it is that we believe things should be different, that we should be different.”     -Clare Dimond

There’s no technique to it or discipline to follow.  I don’t know about you, but that stuff always just takes me back into my head anyway.  It’s simply noticing.  As soon as we notice that we’re lost in our heads, we’re back in the present moment.  That’s all.  Nothing more than noticing.

So, if you find yourself getting caught up…overthinking…or just feeling the weight of it all, no worries.  The present moment is there for you always.  If you’re not sure what that even means, no worries.  You’ll know how it feels. 

It’s where we find ourselves watching our children play…or noticing the break in the clouds where the sun comes through…or how perfect that first sip of coffee tastes in the morning…or how much funnier our partner or friend seems that day…or when you find yourself lightening the mood a bit in the next meeting…or how good it feels to lay your head down on the pillow at night…or just that eye contact you make with a neighbor as you say hello from a distance…or maybe, when you do what’s in front of you to do and “just don’t think about it much.”

All of it is in the present moment.  Always waiting patiently for us.  Where it all feels just a little bit lighter.  It feels nice.

I’ll meet you there.